I don't know where this goes

I don't know where this goes from here but I have to write this down. At the end of this mess of broken hopes and dreams I seek out companionship in my friend.

Now there's someone knew. For some reason she's dating him. Something happened but I don't want to say it. I don't have the strength to start a new fucking delusional campaign.

I can't do this here. Too many eyes. My mind is spinning. This is so wrong. And yet so right. The three of us ate sushi, drank and spent the night. Me alone and those two together. In a room shared by another scorned ex.

Something isn't right about this. I hate this whole thing. I already see me falling again. I don't even know her. I have no idea who she is. But I swear on the droid on which I write, we will be friends and he will fuck her until he gets bored or she sees what he is

Then she will be mine. Or she will break my heart. And this fucking shit with start over again. It's tearing me apart. As soon as one door closes some other thing begins. I'm just tired of losing before I start. I always thought true love always wins. Or that at least I'd have somebody even if she isn't "the one".

All I want is one chance. One love. Before my dick shrivels and my sperm dries up and I fall into the final pit of dispair. If this doesn't work I'll fly to California and die alone on a cold dark Beach.

You Gave Up On Me

There are so many songs so many ways
To say how I feel but none of it is real
So many sleepless nights and rainy days
How long it took to reveal how I feel

I'm so tired of the constant pain of love
Only to be denied the sweet taste of bliss
I wish and pray that some power above
Could show me mercy grant me a kiss

From the one I think of wherever I go
Or somebody knew that I never thought of
All it takes is a smile and wave to show
You care, now all I get is push and shove

Now the grieving process is over, I hope
This is the last time I will think of what we
Could be, I won't die at the end of a rope
I didn't give up on you, you gave up on me

Writing Exercise no.1: hey hey hey Hey!

Breakfast Club Challenge. You're in detention for whatever reason. Mr. Vernon assigns a short essay. In 100 words or more. write Who you think you are. Who are you? What would you write? 

Dear Mr. Vernon,

I am not a bad person. So far I've had a pretty good life. I've made some mistakes but I have achieved a few long term goals. I'm not a straight A student but I excell at the arts and humanities. I am writer. I am an artist but I don't draw as much as I used to becuase the world has shown me that money is more important than dreams. I am a dreamer and a mystic forever searching for something deeper, something magical. I don't believe in magic but love stories about magic as a metaphor for power and desire to change the world, to make a stand for what is right. My only real goal is to live in the moment, not stuck in the past, not always looking to the future but focusing on the here and now.

People claim that there is a spiritual force in the universe that some call god. I am an atheist because I don't see evidence that a god exists or manifests in reality. My mind is free of that type of thinking. I don't fear eternal punishment for any thing I may have done. And I don't do things with the intention that there is an eternity in some heaven. An eternity of anything is not paradise, and an eternity in a place of torment and despair is just sadistic and a concept created to control the minds of ignorant people.

I love fantasy. I love books and movies and animation. I love scifi and fairy tales. They have their place for archetype,  moral lessons, and escape from the struggles of this world is never bad. I believe we would have less war, poverty and injustice if people spent more time imagining a better world than creating horrors in the real world.

There are teachings in all most Bibles of the world as well as in stories and legends. 1. Beware of materialism and greed. 2. Take time everyday to meditate. Sit. Be still. Quiet your mind. Breathe. There is nothing "spiritual or supernatural" going on. There is just this moment. Here. Now. 3. Service to others and practice kindness, compassion and uphold some core virtues.  1- Honesty - always try to tell the truth, there times when lies and deception maybe be necessary for survival and defense but lying in general causes mistrust and harm, and as Jon Stewart once said, If you smell bullshit, say something.  2- kindness - treat others as you wish to be treated. That principle is older than the Gospels. If you harm someone chances are they will harm you back or pass it on to someone else. If someone tries to harm you you have a right to fight back or run or find help. 3- sense of humor- when you feel hurt, scared or depressed find away to laugh at your pain, or life is  bad joke but if you can keep laughing in the face of anger and hate you will be stronger than any wizard. 4- Sense of Wonder- Take some time to enjoy this world because we only have a short time on this planet. Drive out to the beach and listen to your favorite songs. Eat your favorite foods, go to parties with friends and family. Spend some time in nature without your devices and apps. Just be in that moment. Breathe in the air. Smoke some weed if you can get some legally (or otherwise). Relax. Enjoy life. Take some photos. Draw, write, play, color, go to movies, plays, art galleries, museums, national parks,  tell jokes, follow your bliss. 

5. Question Everything.  In questioning things religion, politics, beliefs, rules, standards, traditions, your own observations of the world. You may find that you need to change something or that there a flaws and imperfections and dangers in this world that can be prevented by asking questions. And have the courage to seek the answers. There's nothing wrong with saying "I don't know". There is something wrong with just making up an answer even if it is false and misleading people to the point of oppressing and silencing outside information and questions that still need answering.

I believe I am the lead character in my own story. One hundred words or a thousand will not capture who I am. But I can tell you that I am a hero who has been through the Dark Night of the soul and emerged victorious. Sometimes Darkness Strikes back but we must always be ready becuase there is good in this world and it's worth fighting for(samwise gamgee). And I want to live in the world and stand for what and who I am.

Yours truly,

Brett L. Harry

Fuck it I'm going back to California

I've come to a decision
I'm going back to California. I don't know when or how. But I am. I  going to make a plan, set a date and go. And I'm going to write again. I have a few ideas and a lot of pain I can use. That's all for now.
.

Logan's Circle

Flames leap in the night. Cold rain falls. Lightning flashes. Thunder crashes as if two slabs of metal slam together.

A crowd of about thirty people surround a square in a colonial city. In the center like the spoke of a wheel a large timber stake, firewood piled high.

Chained to the stake is an woman with gray-streaked black hair and ragged dark roughly sewn gown.  She cries, begs for her life.

The leader of the gathering is a priest in black with a tall black hat. Arms raised, Bible in hand.

Flames from the wood reach the woman's feet. She screams and cries in pain.

For a moment she looks out at one young man in the crowd. Her dark eyes glitter with pain and regret.

"Help me. Make it stop! Logan!!"

--------
Logan's House
Now.
"Logan! Wake up Logan! We gotta get moving. Want to beat the traffic. Let's go college boy! Rise and shine!"
Logan wakes up. Reaches out to an open Bible on the night stand and closes it.
Logan "That's funny. How did-"
"Come on! Let's move it!"
Logan "Okay I'm coming!
Logan quickly packs the Bible, his sketch pad, and a CD case into a book bag.

Logan wears shorts, a Star Wars T-shirt, black Converse chucks and glasses.

PHILADELPHIA - day

Broad Street. Busy street lined by theaters, office buildings and hotels. The historic City Hall clocktower with William Penn on top in the distance.

Logan stands on the steps of a large building with Roman style columns and long marble steps. A large red door at the top.

Teens sit on the steps saying goodbye to parents. Some gawking at the city buildings.

Logan stands at the bottom  of the step s with his parents. His dad an older Balder version of him, his mom a short kind woman hugs him.

Dad "Well this is your first step to a new life. You're all moved in. Hope you like your roommates."
Mom. "Make some friends. Get involved. Call us when you need to come home to visit."
A teen walks by in black leather with a brightly colored Mohawk.
"Be safe."
Logan. "I will."

Logan sits on the steps taking in the sites. Watching people and cars walk by.
"Mister Bartokomos"
Logan looks up. A tall dark haired guy stands behind him.
Logan gets up.
"Mike!"