I don't know where this goes

I don't know where this goes from here but I have to write this down. At the end of this mess of broken hopes and dreams I seek out companionship in my friend.

Now there's someone knew. For some reason she's dating him. Something happened but I don't want to say it. I don't have the strength to start a new fucking delusional campaign.

I can't do this here. Too many eyes. My mind is spinning. This is so wrong. And yet so right. The three of us ate sushi, drank and spent the night. Me alone and those two together. In a room shared by another scorned ex.

Something isn't right about this. I hate this whole thing. I already see me falling again. I don't even know her. I have no idea who she is. But I swear on the droid on which I write, we will be friends and he will fuck her until he gets bored or she sees what he is

Then she will be mine. Or she will break my heart. And this fucking shit with start over again. It's tearing me apart. As soon as one door closes some other thing begins. I'm just tired of losing before I start. I always thought true love always wins. Or that at least I'd have somebody even if she isn't "the one".

All I want is one chance. One love. Before my dick shrivels and my sperm dries up and I fall into the final pit of dispair. If this doesn't work I'll fly to California and die alone on a cold dark Beach.