Another night early morning what the fuck am I doing? I should be asleep but I'm awake. Smoking. Digging the trench a little deeper. One week until quit date.
Part of me thinks I'll quit and my life will suddenly improve. Maybe it will. My lungs will repair. My senses will sharpen. Taste buds will work better. Give it a chance.
My life will still suck. I'll still be stuck here.
Something else has to change. I need to make more money. I need save more money. I need a plan to move out and on with my life.
I need friends. I need love. I need social interaction. Being alone will kill me faster than cigarettes.
I've been alone for as long as I can remember.
You're not alone.
Ramona Flowers. In her subspace highway. She's a dream girl. Maybe that's what I need. To get a life.
To fight for my life.
It's not too late.
Seek and ye shall find. Do not search for God. Search for a way to show everyone that you are happy and healthier without a God. That reason and truth guide your actions and not darkness and delusion.
Still they come. The Nazgul. The demons of my brain. Fight them. Rise from the darkness and become a happy whole person.
How do I change? How do I move on? How do I get my life in order?
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