Job Insecurity

So I may be out of a job on Sunday. Chris and Chris sat me down and told me if I didn't improve they're going to let me go. Seems out of the blue. They're saying I'm not fast enough and sometimes I leave without everything done. Which is bullshit.

They're going to fire me. On my birthday. No they're not. I'm going to work harder. I have been the last two days. But they haven't even been there.

A week ago they said they would start training me on other stations. Which I am very interested in doing. But I need to be trained. I learn by doing. They can't expect me to just know what to do.

I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose my job at Bonefish. I like working there. When an order comes on my screen I stop whatever I'm doing to get the salads and desserts out.

But often times I am portioning crab meat or stocking my line. They don't say two words to me. If they want me to do more they should ask me. Or maybe I should ask for more to do.

I do need another job to make more money. To save for my future. To move out. But where do I go? California?

I need a car. I need a job out there. I need to save several thousand dollars and just don't have it. I don't save like I should. When I get a lot saved I spend it all on shit.

I'm no better off than I was when i moved here. I am no closer to a dream whatever that is. I'm writing more. I am trying to get back to writing for film or maybe a book. But no where near something marketable or sellable.

I feel the darkness. Depression. The Nazgul closing in again. Tired of fighting them, running from them. I'll make a stand. I'll fight.

Be in the end I'll lose. It's only a matter of time.