St. Elmo's Fire. I guess I'm going with the 80's brat pack theme. This time "the writer" aka me is Kevin played by Andy McCarthy. He's in love with Ally Sheedy and tells her. They make love but she doesn't love him back. Andy McCarthy is My favorite of the brat pack guys. In the movie he writes for a newspaper. He writes an article on the meaning of life. Now I am going to write my peice on the meaning of life.
Something I've attempted on several occasions. Also he smokes a lot and now I need one.
What is the meaning of life?
To answer such a broad question where does one start? You can try some life is x statements. Life is sex. Life is fire. Life is a miracle. Life is life. Love is life.
Does life have any meaning?
Life in general or my specific life?
Why are we here? Why am I here?
Maybe life is just St. Elmo's Fire.
St. Elmo's Fire as described by Rob Lowe are flashes of light in the night sky. Sailors used to see them on long voyages. They'd see a bright flash of something and go after it even if it kills them in the process.
But it's an illusion. A mirage created not by some natural force of nature but by one's brain. It's a dream. A fantasy.
All my life I've been looking for the "one". I see someone a friend. A girl who fascinates me challenges me introduces me to some magic or makes me see something feel something I've never felt before.
I fall in love and create a fantasy version of the one I love in my head. I talk to her, I take her on the perfect date, I fight all her evil exes and the bullies that pick on her.
Then I see her in real life and we share a moment. I feel all this love and desire. I do everything I can to make the real one match my dream girl.
And it never works.
Emilio sees a girl he has been in love with that barely remembers him but he wants her. He stalks her, obssesses over her, threatens people just to get a glimpse of her. He drives all the way to some cabin in the woods just to be stuck in the snow as a third wheel.
They talk for a moment and he kisses her in a grand flourish. For a moment he has won her heart. But she lets him go. I never had the nerve to just do that. It's too late now. Cassie, Adriana, Ally, Chris all never knew never understood how I feel. All are married or living their own lives.
I went to Taco Bell. She was there. My Cassie. His Cassie. She didn't say anything. I sat there listening waiting for some acknowledgement. Nothing
I don't even feel that love anymore. It's a ghost now. I'm a ghost, an apparition, a spirit. I haunt her. She haunts me.
I'm still alive but dead to the people I love the most. They may want me back but I am not the me I used to be. And neither are they.
There is no meaning of life. This life. This breath. These blackened lungs, these nearsighted blue eyes, this sluggish heart is all I am all I know of life. But there is no meaning of life. No nugget of wisdom to sum it up. 99% of all people ever are already dead. Soon I will join them. But not yet.
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